So, I am sure that everyone thinks that I must have some inherent athletic ability.
Well, everyone is wrong.
If I added "Athletics" to my resume, it would take up very little room. My home address, not including my phone number, would take up more space. Just sayin'.
But, here it is:
At the age of 5 or 6, I took swim lessons at the Naval Academy pool. I did not advance past Guppies. In fact, I failed Guppies despite my brother being promoted to Polliwogs or something. I was sad and I was sure that that was the end of my swimming career.
Well, I decided to take another crack at it at the age of 8 or so when I joined the swim team. Now, you have to understand that I did not go much for functionality in swimwear. I was all about the fashion. So while others were wearing Speedos, aerodynamically designed racing suits, I sported this nifty 2 piece babydoll style top bathing suit with flowers on it.
It did not make me very swift in the water.
Oh, and I couldnt dive.
So, by the time I got into the pool off the starting block, the others were on their second lap back.
Needless to say, I came in fourth place consistently. BUT, to my amazement, there were actually ribbons for fourth place. I was quite excited but not as excited as when I swam with only one other person and got myself a SECOND PLACE ribbon. Never mind that the other swimmer had completed the race, showered and gone home by the time I finished. I had a SECOND PLACE ribbon!
I only did swim team one season.
Then I decided to try softball when I was about 10. I wasnt sure if I would care for it because I wasnt a good hitter, I didnt like to run and I always closed my eyes and covered my head when the ball was coming towards me. But, I was adventurous. And I pretty much sucked at it but you have to give me credit for trying, no? Fast forward to the last game of the season...
Last inning, our last time up, game was tied. Two outs. Who is up to bat??? Yup....ME. The fate of my team rested on my shoulders. Before I knew it, there was a full count (thats what its called, right?) - 2 strikes, 3 balls, bases loaded.
What did I do? Did I strike out? Well, no I didnt. I did nothing. Just stood there. The umpire called a ball! I got walked! I walked in the winning run!
I WON THE GAME!!!!!!! Just by standing there doing nothing!!!!!! How glorious!
Well, needless to say, I celebrated my tremendous athletic victory by breaking down and crying. Right there on home plate. Yes, I did.
I walked over to my mom and sobbed. The umpire (MEANIE) made me go touch first base to make it official.
Then we got ice cream.
I never played softball again - I mean, who would want to ruin such a perfect end to a career??
I will add that I did take dance lessons all this time. Ballet, pointe, jazz... but I never really considered that a true sport. But I suppose that it kept me from ballooning up like a swollen tick as I hit puberty, right??
I did not pursue my sports career until I was a freshman in college and someone had the brilliant idea to start a women's crew team. Did I want to join??
What??? Getting up at 4:30 in the morning, running the wonderful hills of Scranton, PA til my shins fell off, standing in subzero water with a 5 gazillion pound boat over my head???
Heck YA!!!!! SIGN ME UP!!!!!!
The guys team was really cute and they had fantabulous parties. Plus I got a cool jacket.
OK, so I did that for several years. Kind of athletic, huh? I dont recall us actually winning any races but we had fun trying.
So that is my athletic career in a nutshell.